Events at Penn State

As a survivor of child molestation, I had to wait a few days before I could post on this. My emotions are high but more than that, I wanted to make sure my emotions were true. Now that I feel they are, I can post.

The recent events at Penn State had an interesting effect on me. I wasn't angry with Joe Paterno's actions, like so many survivors have been saying they are angry. I didn't go back and relive my past because of this. I do that often enough without any provocation. No, I was angry with the grad assistant who witnessed the event. I want to grab him by the shoulders and scream at him, "Why didn't you stop it? Why didn't you save that boy when it was happening? Why did you just back away, call your father, and then RUN home? Why?" That young man had every chance to stop that rape and he didn't. He didn't call the police. He didn't run for help. He didn't yell out and make Sandusky stop what he was doing. He just left. And for that, he helped damage someone for the rest of his life.

I can almost excuse Joe Paterno's lack of action because of the era he grew up in. Stupid excuse but the truth is, he's a product of his generation in many ways. I don't believe it was because of his love for the football program, as so many are saying. Men his age don't talk about sexual activities, especially rape of a young boy. Boys can't be raped, in their minds. So it had to be something else, something less than it was.

I can't excuse the higher ups because they had the ability to call and ask for an investigation by social services or the police and they didn't. Maybe it was to keep their jobs, maybe it was because it didn't sound that bad when they heard it. Whatever it was, it was sexual in nature and should have been reported and they knew they were supposed to report it and they didn't. No excuses accepted.

But I can't excuse the lack of action by Mike McQueary. He's young enough to know what sexual molestation is and what he should have done. He knows right from wrong and he ran. Let him live with the shame of knowing he could have changed this child's life and he didn't. May it eat him up inside. May it cost him his job. He did nothing right and everything wrong. And for that, I can't excuse him and I can't forgive him.