It's been a while and I feel the need to write, to express myself again in words that few see because I don't advertise this blog. But it's ok because, in a way, it's my journal. And sometimes, journals don't need to be shared.

It's July 3 and tomorrow is another birthday for some people I know. One is once again in my life and I'm glad because I've missed her zanyness. She's older (aren't we all?) and yet, she still has so much of that zing I remember best about her. She's in a long term relationship, something I might have never seen her in but she's happy and therefore, I'm happy. I wish we were closer in miles because I need to see her from time to time, to remind me that being a nut can be fun and beneficial to health.

The other person turns 81 and I'm not sure how I really feel. A part of me hates and a part of me loves and I'm not sure which one wins out most of the time. They say that only the love survives but in this case, I'm not sure it should be that way. All I know is, he turns 81 and I'll spend part of tomorrow crying.

I just finished catching up on a blog I enjoy reading because the writer is always about the truth of her situation. It's just too bad her wife isn't as honest or worthy of that honesty. How do you feel, knowing you made a promise and then broke it just as soon as you left the one you made it to? How do you feel when your world has come crashing down and everyone believes the more famous of the two of you because you did what was right for you and now she's mocking your choice? How does anyone believe the famous one if they hear the full story? It's just sad all around.

I'm tired and hurting but I need to do some things today so I'm going to force myself to go upstairs and take a long shower, then force myself to ask to go to the grocery store. I need milk and something to drink other than water and soda. I want lemonade, I want chips, I want so much more than I have right now. I need to do something other than sit and stare at a keyboard on the laptop.

The bottom line is, I want my friend Dwayne here and it can't happen right now. Such is life.