Religion

Tell me what it is about religion that makes it such an overwhelming Master. In every religion, there are fanatics, those who are so enraptured by the words in that religion's holy book that they will stop at nothing, including murder, to make everyone see that their religion is the best.

If we look at the holy books for most major religions, they are all rather alike. They all recount the adventures of their big holy man. But here's where they're really alike. Not a one of them was written by anyone who actually witnessed those adventures. They were written many many years after the fact, by people who wrote down what they'd heard for years. So let's think for a minute, please. You know what it's like to have a family story. It gets told by so many people, over and over and over again, until it's nothing like the original story. It's been reinterpreted by each and every storyteller. But you write down the version you've heard and you call it "the true story." Is it, really?

If we could be honest with ourselves, we might look at this objectively and realize a few things. These stories were told to do a specific task. They were told to keep kids in line, to organize a tribe of people, to set down parameters for that specific group. They weren't meant to be the rules for everyone but for that one particular group. The older stories were made to be more frightening, so that everyone understood why the rules were the way they were. Then we move into the newer stories, where love becomes the overwhelming message. But the followers, who were brought up on the older stories, can't help but add their own admonitions for the next bunch of followers. And because they were brought up on the old, vengeful-type stories, guess what their writing is going to have predominantly? Yep, all sorts of rules to follow, all based on the stories they grew up on.

See, here's what I don't understand. If God is a god of love, then why was he so vengeful in the old testament? And why does he let his son be so lenient? If God is a god of love, then why does he let anyone die from things like disease, murder, or hate? It just makes no sense, no matter how you look at it.

That's the main reason I consider myself to be spiritual, rather than religious. Believe in a higher power but don't use that higher power to rule your life. Because all the rules weren't given by it but by the people who wrote them. Regardless of if they were inspired by that higher power, they still were the ones who passed the rules down and eventually wrote them down.

How do you see our friendship? Is it one where you can be yourself and talk about anything that comes into your head, or is it one where you talk to me once in a while by answering questions I ask but never ever saying what's really in your head? Or is it one where you'd prefer I didn't really exist but you're glad that someone else is making sure your bills are paid? I just don't know which one is reality anymore. Sometimes, I get the feeling that I'm a safety valve, someone that you can call when you need to blow but then you change your mind and keep it all bottled up inside. You don't really want me there but you don't really want me gone, either. So you keep me on the fringes, never really telling me anything but still talking to me from time to time.

Well, just to let you know, I can't stay like this anymore. We obviously have two different ideas of what friendship is. You know where to find me when you decide what you want in a friendship. Good luck in your life. Let me know when you decide to actually live it, rather than how everyone else wants you to live it.

My friend D

D, aka Dwayne, is one of the two guys I call my rocks, my soulmates. I met him online when I joined his message board in 2004 but we didn't become friends until 6 years ago earlier this month. It all started with his message that his marriage was breaking up. I sent him a personal message, offering my shoulders if he needed to talk. It took him awhile to actually take me up on it but that was the beginning.

In the 6 years I've known him, we've gone through a lot together. From crying jags to trips to Atlanta, to sharing living space, to what we have today, it's been a wild journey. I don't like thinking it's over but sometimes you need to take a few steps away in order to see if what you have is worth continuing to fight to save. And that's where I'm at with him.

Look, no one said friendship is easy. Ours isn't, by any stretch of the imagination. He's put up with me, my lies, my strangeness. I've dealt with him, his fears, his inability at times to stand up for himself. But for a friend, you do what you need to do. The biggest problem always comes when one person in the friendship feels like they're doing all the work to keep the friendship and the other one is just ... there. It's never easy to feel that way and that's when you have to step back and re-evaluate or you have to just let go. I don't want to just let go so I'm stepping back and looking over what we have.

Here's the bottom line on D and my friendship: I love him and I always will. I will always, as long as I'm alive, be there if he needs me. All he has to do is reach out to me.