I Miss My Friend

Originally written and posted on my other blog on 5/9/2016 at 11:58pm

I miss my friend.  I miss the man I was able to talk with for hours at a time, overnight, without grasping for something to say.  I miss being able to say what I felt without having to censor it because the person I was talking with might think it was the wrong thing for anyone to think or say.  I miss hearing his voice calling me for a couple of minutes a few times a week, just because.  And I miss it all because I was stupid enough to lose this friendship through my own actions.

Everyone does stupid things from time to time.  Me, I've made a life of doing them.  And it's even worse because I was supposed to be so darned smart, with so much potential.  Instead, I'm barely surviving from day to day.  And the people I live with don't even know me, even though we're related.

So, what did I do to lose this friendship?  I took advantage of someone who was sweet and kind and lost in his own way.  I told this person exactly who and what I am and he still wanted me in his life.  Even after lying to him about something rather major, he managed to get past that and still be a friend.  A wary one, for sure, but still a friend.  I listened to his words and went too far.  Know those people who, if you give them an inch, they'll take three miles?  Well, I didn't take three miles, I took 100.  And even when I tried to get him to see, he didn't.  He didn't until the end, when there was no choice left BUT to see.

The stupid thing is, even with that, he had still said we'd keep in touch.  And at first, we did.  Sporadically.  Once in a while, like maybe once a month.  Then one night, I get a text from him, telling me exactly what he thought of me and what I'd done.  And it ended with "I'm done."  And that was it.  Nothing more.

I don't blame him.  Not really.  I mean, anyone could say "But you knew what she was from the start so why'd you trust her so much without keeping tabs?  HOW could you?"  I could say some things I observed about him but that's not going to change the situation and it wouldn't help either of us.  He's still going to hate me and I'm still going to miss him.  I don't think time is going to change either of those facts.

So why write this now?  Because lately things haven't been so great in almost any way.  I mean, if you read my posts on FB, you'd think I'm pretty much okay.  But I'm really not.  And I don't think it's going to get any better.  And then, I heard that where he worked the last time we talked is gearing up to lay off people and I worry about whether he's going to be laid off.  Or I watched a tv show about something he'd explained to me and I wanted to text and ask if he'd seen the show and what he thought about it.  And his daughters are growing up and oh, so beautiful and I'd love to hear the pride in his voice when he talks about them.  And this election year, wow, I'd love to talk to him about that.

But I can't do any of that because I was stupid and lost a friend.   And the words "I'm sorry" don't change a thing when you can't do anything to make it up, even if he'd let you.  Because some times, there just isn't enough "sorry" in the world to change the future.  And nothing will change the fact that... I miss my friend.

Trump

I'd love to talk about anything other than Trump but I have to say this and it's too long for a Facebook post.  

As a long-term morbidly obese woman, I'd always had the idea that I was protected from unwanted sexual attention.  Let's face it, not many guys talk about wanting to get into the (granny) panties of someone my size.  So it was a complete shock when it DID happen.  And I don't mean just the talking of it.  

In 1993, I moved to Nashville.  My mom had died 6 months earlier and I just wanted to go to a new location.  I worked at an upscale hotel and was on AOL often.  I'd been talking to a man who lived in Memphis and we planned on getting together in Jackson, about halfway between the two cities.  I took my roommate to work, and then drove to Jackson to meet this man at a McDonald's.  We talked and seemed to get along just fine.  The place got busy but we didn't want to stop talking just yet, so we moved outside to sit in our cars.  He asked me to sit in his vehicle, which I did.  We'd been talking for maybe 15 minutes about cars, believe it or not.  I told him I liked how his van was set up and got out to look in the back better.  As I did, he shoved me into the van, got on top of me and...do I really need to give more details?  I remember thinking it couldn't be happening.  I remember feeling like I was frozen.  I was screaming at myself to do something but I couldn't move.  When he was done, he told me to get out of his car because he had to go to work.

I drove back to the apartment I shared with a good friend and said nothing.  I didn't know what to say or do, so I did nothing.  Two days later, I called the police and reported it.  The officers I spoke with told me that they really couldn't do anything because it was a date, so it wasn't rape.  I found out a few months later that this man had been arrested for grabbing several women at the bus station, raping them and then killing them, so I guess I was lucky to still be alive.

So why am I saying something now?  Because rape doesn't just happen to young, beautiful women.  It happens to children, to handicapped women, to elderly women, to nuns, and even to someone as fat as I am.  You can't depend on the police or the judges to give you justice or closure.  The only one who can protect you to any degree is yourself. Donald Trump talking to Billy Bush, saying "I took her... I moved on her like a b****. I couldn't get there and she was married."  and "I'm automatically attracted to beautiful... I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the p****. You can do anything."  This made me physically sick.  Literally, physically sick.

As bad as that is, what makes it worse is reading comments that dismiss what he says as locker-room talk, as nothing more than a private conversation. Or saying it's not as bad as what Bill Clinton did.  As if dismissing it as idle talk or deflecting the topic to someone else is going to make what Trump said go away.  As if women who heard this and were hurt by it are just being overly emotional.  As if any of this makes it right for him to even think that, let alone say it, and still be a good person to run this country.  

But what scares me most of all is that, given ALL of this, ALL of his inappropriate words and actions, he might still be voted in as President.  Because people really don't care.
    

Simon Biles & Planned Parenthood

The other day, I read a meme on Facebook about Simone Biles and Planned Parenthood.  It made me angry but I didn't comment because I'm consciously trying to keep negativity out of my life.  Today, I read an opinion piece on the same topic and it made me even angrier.  Enough so that I had to write a post on it.

There is a conservative blogger by the name of Matt Walsh who has a tag line saying he is a "blogger, writer, speaker, and professional truth sayer."  I agree that he's a blogger and a writer because the two things go hand in hand.  Speaker I can't say anything about because I've never had the (dubious) pleasure.  But professional truth sayer?  In his opinion, yep, but that's just it.  It's his opinion, the truth as he sees it.  And sometimes, it's not so truthful.  But I digress.

Ok, so this article mentions the story of Simone Biles' childhood.  If you've read anything, you know that she was born to a mother who was an addict and a father who wasn't in the picture at all.  Her maternal grandparents adopted the younger two siblings, including Simone, while her grandfather's brother adopted the oldest two.  They were the ones that helped Simone reach her dream of being an Olympic gymnast and she calls them her parents.

However, Matt Walsh and the makers of the meme like to say that, if Planned Parenthood had their way, Simone and her siblings would have been aborted from the jump.  Why?  Because she's a member of a minority who was born to an addict and those, according to Mr. Walsh, are the prime targets of PP.  In his eyes, if Simone's mother, Shanon, had gone to PP, we'd have had no Simone, period.

I get his argument.  I really do.  Every human being has potential to be someone incredible, to offer the world something that no one else can offer.  But, just as equally, every human being has the potential to be a psychopath, to do horrific things that the world has never seen before.  The potential for both is there.  And it doesn't matter how a child is brought up.  Some of the worst serial killers came from average, everyday families, and some of the most incredible people came from the worst type of homes.  It's all up to the individual.

I don't like abortions.  It's not something I would have chosen for myself had I gotten pregnant after the age of 25.  But I'm not in charge of anyone but myself.  I can't and won't make a decision like that for someone else.  I don't know their circumstances.  I don't walk in their shoes.  And I'm not capable of saving someone else's life.  I can barely handle taking care of myself.  So I'm going to do exactly what I've been doing: Advocate for personal choice.  If a woman feels that having a baby is the best choice for her, wonderful. Congratulations.  And if a woman decides that having an abortion is the correct option for her, I'm going to support her fully.  Because in the end, the only decisions I have to live with are the ones I make myself.  I will comfort her if she needs to cry and be there for her to lean on.  I'll even stand in front of her if she needs a shield.  But I won't make a decision for her and I will not vote for anyone who thinks they have the right to make the decision for her, either.  It's the right thing to do.

Deeply held beliefs? Really?

The President of the U.S. announced that he will sign an executive order that will bar companies with federal contracts from discriminating against sexual orientation and gender identity when hiring.  On Tuesday, 7/1/2014, a group of 14 faith leaders wrote a letter to the President of the US, basically asking him to give them an exemption based on their "deeply-held religious beliefs" to this executive order.  

In their letter, they wrote "We believe that all persons are created in the divine image of the creator, and are worthy of respect and love, without exception."  And then, in the very next sentence, "Even so, it still may not be possible for all sides to reach a consensus on every issue."  Excuse me but you're the leaders of your faith communities.  If anyone should be able to lead people to accepting another human being, it should be you.  You've read your bibles.  You know that Christ never said to make people feel less deserving of life and love and respect.  You said in your letter yourselves and yet, you think that showing them respect and love means telling them they're not worthy of a job, simply because of the person they love?

Here in the United States, we have this wonderful tradition of accepting people as they are, into our melting pot of a society.  But we haven't always been that welcoming at first.  We took the natives and put them onto reservations.  We made it difficult for the Irish to find jobs.  We took Japanese-Americans and put them into camps during WW2.  And now, we have people trying to make other people feel like they're less than human.  All because they're different.  Because a book that was written centuries ago, in a different time and age, translated many many times from the original language by people who wanted to make their own agendas shine, we have people trying to tell others that their love isn't real or true.  That they don't deserve jobs or homes.  Some so called faith "leaders" have gone so far as to say they should be taken out of society, placed behind high walls so none can see them, and have food dropped to them every so often, until they all die.  We even had a candidate for office in one state say that he believed they should be stoned to death.  Is this showing them respect?  Is this how you believe they are worthy of love?

Years ago, I had a priest reach out to me and several other women and tell us that Christ had loved us so much, he chose to die among others just like us, criminals.  And yet, a year later, I had a priest tell me that people can't change who they are and once a criminal, always a criminal and we should shun criminals.  Respect?  Love?  I don't think so.

Anyone who knows me knows how much this frustrates me.  How these so-called leaders can be so ugly, I just don't understand and I'm pretty sure that NOTHING will ever be said that can change my mind.  It boils down to a few things for me.  As a Christian, you follow the words of Christ.  He never said anything about discriminating towards anyone.  When He was asked what the greatest law was, He said the first law was to love your God with all your heart, mind, and soul.  And then He said that the second greatest was just like it, that it was to love your neighbor as you love yourself.  Well, let me tell you: If these religious leaders are showing how they love themselves, I want no part of it.

I get it.  Sex with a person of the same gender is a sin and therefore it's wrong.  But there is nothing in the bible that says one sin is worse than another.  That's part of the reason why we have the saying "Hate the sin but love the sinner."  Because each of us is a sinner and none of us are any better than anybody else.  So tell me please, why is it that your faith, the same faith that Christ passed on, tells you that you can discriminate against someone because of their sin but you think your own is ok?

The bible said in Leviticus that lying with a man as you would a woman is an abomination.  But it also said in Proverbs that that a lying tongue is an abomination.  So saying that you respect and love everyone, without exception, in one sentence and then asking for the right to discriminate (which means you DON'T respect THAT person) against someone, anyone... what's that?  In my book, that's a lie.  Either you believe that everyone deserves respect or you don't believe it.  But don't try to tell me that your faith, your deeply held religious beliefs, is demanding that you do that.  Because it just isn't the truth.  No way, no how.  And someday, as you keep telling everyone, YOU will be judged for your words and your actions.  I'm just not sure the judgment you get is going to be what you THINK it will be. 

For me, the bottom line is simple.  Treat others how you want to be treated and leave the judgment to whoever your God is.  You'll be a lot happier and less stressed out when you stop worrying about everyone else's future and concentrate on your own.

Realistic, not bitter

As much as I've wanted to blog lately, my mind has been so fragmented that nothing made sense enough to post.  I'll say it upfront right now, this post is the result of a situation on Facebook that is ongoing but hopefully will be resolved later today.

3 years.  It's been 3 years since my pancreatic cancer diagnosis.  In that 3 years, I've done things I never thought possible.  I've met with congressional aides, met the widow of one of my heroes, raised more than $500 for pancreatic cancer research, and spoke during an internet chat radio show.  I've also had some interesting plans percolating in my head for the future that I'm really hoping to complete.  All of this is more than I dreamed of in the year leading up to my diagnosis. 

All of that makes me feel like a really lucky person.  Every single day when I wake up, I celebrate with a blessing ceremony taught to me by an incredible shaman.  I thank the Universe for being alive and ask to be shown my lesson for the day.  I also ask for healing energy to be sent to my friends and to people who are in difficult situations.  And then, I start my day to day living.

I work hard to keep my balance of positivity and truth because my life has been out of balance and filled with lies for a long time.  For reasons I'm not going to go into here, truth hasn't always been a part of my life but fr the last 4 years, I've worked to be truthful more than not.  For someone who used lies as easily as eating favorite foods, it's not easy but it is worth it.  So it's hard when someone I barely know starts in on me, especially when I feel I've done nothing as terrible as they seem to think.

On October 17, I had a phone call with someone who had been told by a new doctor that they were near the end of their life.  I felt they were panicking at the news, (who wouldn't?) and felt that they needed to take a deep breath and calm down a bit.  We talked for about an hour and I gave them my standard advice: try to calm down, get more opinions if they thought it best, then carefully think about the options.  Make a decision based on what's right for you, not what everyone else wants you to do.

And then, I said something that is now being used against me.  I told this person that doctors aren't always right, and that I saw this person being alive at least 18 months more, not the 1-5 months the doctor had told them.  It was my opinion that this person felt some relief upon hearing that.  Maybe I was wrong and I shouldn't have said anything at all about time.  I know one thing from personal experience:  I would have loved hearing someone tell me 18 months when my doctor said I'd be dead in 6.  But then again, not everyone is like me. 

Two weeks and one day later, I had an online message chat with this person because I had expected to call them and hadn't.  We talked about results from my doctor's visit and about her latest doctor's visit. I ended that chat with the words "Remember, I said 18 months and not one day less."  12 hours later, I received a personal message from this person that told me not to give a time frame again, that while I might mean it positively, all it did was add to their confusion and pain.  I accepted what this person said and responded simply with an "As you wish."

In the days after that message, several people online posted about their own personal issues.  Most of my responses were my usual "I'm sending positive thoughts and energy your way" messages.  I've gone over those responses and not once have I said anything about a time frame.  I've also reviewed my private messages with the individual and my last message to them was the one mentioned above, the "As you wish" comment. 

Imagine my surprise and confusion and finally, anger, when this person posted a message on our closed forum, saying they wouldn't name me personally but that I wasn't who I claimed to be, that I gave out death time frames that only hurt people, that sending energy was only a game for me, and that I'd pestered them with repeated phone calls and requests for them to call me, that they were not going to respond to me further and would never again trust me in anything I said.  All this 5 days after my last exchange with this person.

I shut down my browser and tried to read.  I tried to calm my thoughts and meditate.  Nothing stopped my feelings of anger and hurt.  I'd done exactly what this person had asked and yet, 5 days later, they were still upset enough to post such a message?  I opened my browser and started to write a note on Facebook to post.  I wanted to quote their comment and went to the closed forum, only to find that post was gone.  The person appeared to be gone, as well.  I asked another friend to verify that the comment was gone and they did.  It looked like this person was gone.  Truth was, they had de-friended me and blocked me from seeing any of their comments.  I deleted my note without ever posting it.

Yesterday, I started seeing posts by this person again.  I've not responded to any of them, thinking my best bet was to just let it go. 

Another person in that group posted an interesting blog piece that I thought was incredible.  There have been several comments about the piece and some cute quips posted.  I did my usual bit of research and offered my own opinion as to why breast cancer awareness exploded and pancreatic cancer hasn't.  I commented on two other posts, both vague-ish answers. Nothing negative at all, in my mind.

An hour ago, I opened my Facebook to see I had a message.  I opened my messages and read the new one.  It was from the person above and it was short.  It said, and I'm quoting here, "Bitter till the end you will be...I pray for you."  I am unable to respond to them directly.

I'm not bitter.  I'm realistic.  I thank the Universe daily for still being here when I have no idea WHY I'm still here.   I will continue to offer positive thoughts and energy for anyone who is going through a hard time.  I will continue to live my life as if I have a million tomorrows ahead of me.  I will continue to be me, a flawed human being who has made a huge amount of mistakes and will make more before I die. 

My bucket list

For the last several years, quite a few people have asked me what's on my bucket list.  To be honest, I never really wrote down a bucket list because it is forever changing.  Some things that were important to me 3 years ago just aren't as important anymore.  But the idea of a list of things I want to do before I die is intriguing.  How many things would I put on it and how many would be considered really frivolous?  Would it sound stupid to others?  Could I actually write such a list?  

The answer is yes, I could write such a list.  And here it is.  My bucket list as of August 8, 2012.  Subject to change, depending on my mood. 

• Meet President Obama, Former Presidents Clinton, Carter, and George HW Bush, and their wives.
• Meet Sam Harris, Barbra Streisand, all 4 members of ABBA, and Taylor Hicks.
• Finally travel to the last 5 states so that I've been to all 50.
• Drive cross country at least 2 more times, in each direction.
• Own a house.  (Doesn't matter if I'm paying a mortgage)
• Travel to see England, Scotland, Ireland, France, Germany, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, and Africa.
• Skydive once.
• Take a hot air balloon ride.
• Record my own album of duets with several of my favorite stars.
• Sing the National Anthem at a major league baseball game.
• Weigh under 200 lbs.
• Do one of the swim with a dolphin/beluga whale interactions somewhere.
• Have a party and be able to give all my guests gifts.
• See Garth Brooks in Vegas while sitting in the front row.

See, not that big a list so far.  But like I said, changes can happen at any time.
   

Religious freedom

Today I did my usual check on the NOM blog, which for the last few days has been more the Chick-fil-A blog.  But today, they put up a segment from a NY Times opinion piece on religious freedom.  Since NOM likes to shorten it to what they feel was important, I read the entire Times piece online and several of the comments.  I wanted to comment but apparently, they have only a short window for comments and it was already closed.  Then I read the comments left on the NOM blog and decided to post a section of the article here, the link to it (so you can read the entire piece), and the 5 comments that are listed as of 1pm EDT today, Friday August 3, 2012.  

From the article: 

I cannot improve upon the way the first lady of the United States explained this issue, speaking recently to a conference of the African Methodist Episcopal Church. “Our faith journey isn’t just about showing up on Sunday,” Michelle Obama said. “It’s about what we do Monday through Saturday as well ... Jesus didn’t limit his ministry to the four walls of the church. He was out there fighting injustice and speaking truth to power every single day.”

But Mrs. Obama’s words notwithstanding, there seems to be a great deal of confusion about this point in the Western leadership class today.

This article is by Ross Douthat, a columnist at the New York Times and can be found by clicking this link: Defining Religious Liberty Down.

The article is, to me, a bit disjointed because it doesn't focus solely on religious freedom in the United States.  Nevertheless, it is a good article for the most part.

Now, for the NOM blog comments.  Since I can't post comments there, I'm posting them here and in a different color font, so that anyone can tell they're MY comments.

JC wrote:  

Let's also be honest enough to admit that your desire to block other groups of citizens from the benefits of civil marriage just because they don't live according to the dictates of YOUR religion has anything at all to do with freedom of religion. Just admit that you don't like people living their lives in ways that conflict with your religious beliefs and you are willing to any and everything in your power to bend them to your will.

OvercameSSA wrote: 

JC -

Only a man and a woman can create a child; despite what homosexuals would like to believe, that's a fact and it is a big deal worthy of special attention by the government and society.

Sure, there are those who believe this is purely a religious issue, but there is a secular purpose that true marriage serves that so-called same-sex "marriage" cannot: the union of a mom and a dad with their offspring.

In fact, every same-sex couple who adopts a child, adopts a child who was taken away from one or both if his/her parents: the very opposite of what marriage is designed to encourage!

And no matter what anyone keeps saying, having a child is not a requirement in order to get married.  If marriage is solely about having children, then make it a requirement and stand by it.  Otherwise, stop bringing it up.  People who aren't married have children every day.  Not being married doesn't stop that.  And same-sex couples don't steal children or take them away from their parents.  The government does that when a parent isn't fit to be a parent.  Should that child have to be without adoptive parents just because the biological parents couldn't act like adults and provide a real home? 

From Cameron: 

While sounding nice, unfortunately, Ross is incorrect about exercising religion being a convenient carte blanche to behave as your conscience dictates.
The borders of discrimination and religious freedom are blurred. Who is to say where one's rights ends and another begins? It's easy to say that the religious texts have far-reaching implications so anything that offends those texts is fair game for discrimination. If someone's religion says that they can't dispense marriage licenses to mixed-religion couples, whose religious liberty is being infringed upon?
The Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) subjects federal policies to strict scrutiny if they substantially burden a person’s exercise of religion. So to be the tie-breaker, the law states that for something to infringe on religious freedom, that part of your job must actually be part of your religion. Under existing case law, the provision of health care or chicken sandwiches or dispensing of marriage licenses is arguably not the exercise of religion.
So while Ross' article is passionately written, it doesn't make much of an argument for religious discrimination.
That said, I'm not sure what laws Chick-fil-A would be breaking in Boston for the mayor to say that they couldn't set up business there. But if he's saying it for reasons that the law doesn't support, I think that's despicable. Everyone needs to follow the law, regardless of religious affiliation. That is religious liberty.

The mayor of Boston never said they couldn't set up business there.  He said they might want to think again before setting up business there, not quite the same thing.  The mayor of Chicago said he would support an Alderman's announcement to block the company.  He didn't say he'd ban them.  And finally, the mayor of San Francisco said he would strongly recommend that the business not come closer to San Francisco than they already were.  Can they be interpreted as threats to use their power to keep them out?  Yep.  But in the end, they're still doing the same thing Mr. Cathy did, exercising their first amendment right to free speech.  You don't like it, fine.  Protest.  But at least don't lie about what they said.

From GoodNews:  

“the pornography-saturated, fertility-challenged, family-breakdown-plagued West"
Say it again New York Times – and it will feel even better! Say it a thousand times, and it might start to be heard. Say it a million times, and it might motivate a nation. And bring health to a people! (And bring a little healthy challange to the easy money economy lovers as well).

Find a way to make pornography totally illegal.  Find a way to make women and men more fertile.  Find a way to stop families from breaking down.  That would be wonderful.  But quit blaming all of this on religion or a lack thereof.  Men in general are the majority of pornography purchasers.  How are you going to stop them from buying it?  Religion can't make humans produce babies, only sex can.  And some people just don't belong together but got together anyway.  Can you stop that from happening?  Last of all, if money is to be made from doing something, there is always going to be someone willing to do that something.

And finally, from TC Matthews:

JC in all the hundreds of years that this country has been around, no one has done anything like what you're describing. Don't you think it's a little odd to bring it up now as a cover for the hissy fit you're pulling because people disagree with you?

32 states have written into their constitutions, via popular vote, that marriage is solely between a man and a woman.  If you look at the breakdown of the voters who voted for that definition, more than 90% did it because of their religion.  Look at the groups that are out there now trying to use that definition and only that definition in 5 states this November.  Every one of them are religious in nature.  Every one of them uses nothing more than a religious viewpoint for why marriage is man and woman.  It is their religious beliefs they are trying to (and in 32 states, succeeding) pass as law.  And you're going to say it hasn't happened?  Disagreement is one thing.  Telling people they aren't human, that God hates them, that AIDS is their punishment for being gay, is quite a bit more than disagreement. 

The bottom line to all of this is your right to religious belief or non-belief is granted by the first amendment to the United States Constitution.  But that doesn't mean you have the right to force someone else to believe the same way.  Stop being surprised when people fight back against your beliefs.

Open letter to Rick Santorum

Mr. Santorum,

You were asked a very simple question in Concord, NH on January 5th. You were asked why your definition of equality did not include allowing gays and lesbians to get married. You didn't respond with an answer, but with more questions. And when some members of the audience shouted out questions or comments, you said you were going to discuss this civilly. At another point in this short, 2 minute discussion, you said that to have a discussion based on rational reasoned thought, then we employ reason. But you didn't employ reason, Mr. Santorum. All you did was try to change her question into something she didn't ask. You tried hard to get her to answer your question, rather than answering hers. All you needed to do was say that you believe marriage comes from God and belongs to man and woman, something you did say before you left the venue.

I don't like you, Mr. Santorum, and I'm going to state my reasons outright. You believe that religion should be the underlying reason in everything the United States does, in every law that is made. You believe that YOUR religion should be THE religion the U.S. uses as the basis for laws. You don't really care if there are others who don't believe in the same religion or even, for that matter, God at all. As long as YOUR values are followed, who cares if everyone agrees? You also believe that it's okay for you to accept money from special interest groups, from earmarks, because you're trying to guide this great country the right way and they believe the same way you do. You don't truly care for Americans, you care for Americans who believe as you do.

For the record, traditional, Biblical marriage is one man and several women. Women are never to speak up or teach, only men. Women were property. The United States outlawed polygamy years ago, not because it couldn't bring happiness to some but because it usually relies on the principal of one main wife and several 'lesser' wives, not equality among all. And marriage as a means to have children and raise a family? Then you need to deny marriage to those who are infertile, those who are beyond child-bearing age, and those who plan to never have children. After all, their happiness doesn't matter, it's whether or not they have children that counts, right?.

1-1-2012

January 1st. A new year, a new day to start living fresh again. Each day should be taken that way, as a new day to start fresh, but we don't. Most of us can't help but carry baggage from the past, even if the past is just a day ago. It takes strength to let go, to live each day as it comes, fresh of mistakes and fresh of baggage.

This will be short and sweet today. I hope that all of us can learn from the past, move forward into the present, and think about the future, living each moment fresh. The past exists as a lesson only. Repeat it at your own risk. I prefer to be more like the Starship Enterprise, to boldly go where I've never been before, to seek out and explore new ventures. (Paraphrased but dammit Jim, I'm a person, not a spaceship!)

Happy 2012!

Christmas time

This is one of my most favorite times of the year. From the annual Christmas tv specials and the regular shows with Christmas-themed shows, to the seasonal music on the radio that totally disappears by the 26th, to the people at stores and malls trying so hard to find just the right gift for someone that they care about, it's all magical to me.

Over the last 30 years, since becoming an "adult" in life, that magic tends to start wearing thin. You look at all the advertising that goes on, trying to get people to spend tons of money for just that one day, and you have to wonder a little bit. Or at least I do. Don't we have good memories that didn't cost tons of money? Do we really have to spend $150 on a gift to show someone they mean the world to us?

I remember growing up and how my mom would hang the stockings at our fireplace. We weren't blessed with a nice thick mantle that gave great opportunities to hang them. We had a brick/stone fireplace wall in our living room and a few of those bricks stuck out about an inch or two farther than most of them. Luckily for us, there was one that was the length of our fireplace just above the fireplace. So my mom would take a cord, wrap it around that section of brick, put the stockings on it and then tie it together, holding it all in place. Sometime during the night on Christmas Eve, she'd fill the stockings and we'd see them first thing when we ran out the next morning. Worked like a charm for all those years.

Except one year, it had been late and she was tired. So rather than do that, she used thumbtacks and tacked them, 2 each side, to the wooden door frame of the doorway into the living room. A great idea except none of us kids thought about that. Kids are creatures of habit and we were like everyone else. We'd send Beth to the living room starting around 4 am to see if Santa had come yet. All she had to do was go to the doorway and look inside. The tree lights would be left on all night and they gave just enough light to see if the stockings had been filled. Each time she came back, she'd shake her head no and we'd go back to the game of Monopoly we were playing, trying to make time pass faster.

6 o'clock finally came and we were allowed to get up. We all ran to the living room and stood there. No stockings at all. Nothing. We'd been good...well, as good as any other year. Why no stocking? Then Melodie turned around to get the coffee started and as she went back through the doorway into the kitchen, she noticed the stockings! OMG, you'd think there was someone dying, what with all the shrieking we were doing. Talk about surprised! (And trust me, Mom was told about the events of the night and she never put them there again.)

In 1988, my mom decided it was time to retire the stockings. Us kids were all adults and Melodie had a son of her own who had just turned 5. Mom decided that the only stocking would be Jim's. The rest of the usual filler would be in a huge bowl on the counter. Everyone was okay with the decision...okay, everyone but me, that is. I'd had 3 years behind bars and while she'd done the stockings the year before, (to give me a final year of them) I just didn't like it. I liked the annual stocking ritual. And I wasn't ready for it to be done.

So, I used part of my paychecks from my second job and did the stockings myself. I bought all new stockings for everyone in the family. I even included my aunt and grandmother, because I wanted to go all out. I bought all the usual nuts and candies to fill them up. I bought everyone a gift or two to go inside, as well. And I wanted to go slightly different for the names on them. Our original stockings had had our names embroidered on them, and when that had worn off, mom had replaced them with magic marker names. Instead, I bought gift tags and those rub-on letters you could get, in italics. Took me 4 packages of them, thanks to all the vowels I needed. While at my second job, I'd use some time after clocking out to fill out another tag or two. It took a bit of time because I wanted them looking perfect.

On Christmas Eve, I filled them before leaving work and left them in the back of my car, where the tray hid them. After everyone went to bed, I went downstairs and got the box they were in, brought it upstairs, and laid them all out on the coffee table in the living room. The next day, everyone was surprised. I got questioned a few times and played dumb. I did admit it finally later that spring. I think Melodie heard it the most that it was her who'd done it. It was one of the best things I'd done for Christmas in my life. And the tradition kept on for a few more years. The last year I did it was 1992. There was no real point to doing it after that, since both Mom and Dad were gone before Christmas of 1993.

So this year, I'm begging my friends to do something different for Christmas. Do something you stopped doing years ago, create a new tradition for you and your loved ones. Just do something different that will surprise people again, just like Christmas was a surprise when you were a kid. It doesn't have to mean a lot of money. Just think of something unique for your family and go for it. Bring the magic back again this year. You'll be glad you did. I promise you.